all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
