Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
