plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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