I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
