Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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