I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
