At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
