I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
