So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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