yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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