The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
