I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
