It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
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