the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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