The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
