I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
