You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
tell me about the eggs
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
