Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
