She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
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