Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
why didn't you poke me back
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
