I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
