so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I came so hard my ears popped.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
