i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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