There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
