Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
