I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize