Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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