I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize