i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
