Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
