I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
