Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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