dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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