i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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