How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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