season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize