Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
