I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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