remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
