it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
