He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
pray to the hookup gods
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
