So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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