I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
