She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
