Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
