the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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