So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
