I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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