home. puking in laundry basket.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
