the condom got lost in my hair
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
