I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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