My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
they're like a gay fantastic four
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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