Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
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