I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize