I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
