I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
