I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
whose ass print is on the piano?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
