I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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