lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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