that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
pray to the hookup gods
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