Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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