Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
