I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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