Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
