is your mom at the bar?
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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