i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
